Just recently my friend I had a chat about relationships. During the new years eve, I saw her looking somewhat annoyed and I decided to approach her. Not going into details as it is a private matter but then she asked how KH and I are doing. She was also curious how I am able to cope with the long distance set up. She shared that one of her struggles is getting through the days of not spending much time even if they both live in the same province. So I told her straight up that being in a long distance relationship isn't easy. I am not going to sugarcoat it because everyone deserve to know it. Long distance is no joke. It takes so much trust, effort, and sacrifice. But if they both decided that they want to make it work then they should also know the consequences.
LDR isn't for everyone but with a lot of patience, trust, and love it can be possible!
I am no way near an expert when in comes to relationships and most especially being in a LDR. But I decided to share a few of the lessons I learned while living far far away from my boyfriend. These might come handy for those who are about to take up the challenge or is currently going through the same situations.
- KEEP YOURSELF BUSY
When they say 'find a new hobby, spend time with your family and friends, or do what you used to do when you were single' believe them! It sounds like an easy peasy thing to do, right? But friends, it is hard. Right when KH left, it took me quite a bit of time to adjust back to my normal single life. What I mean by that is my normal life when I was single. This got me to sign up at a gym so I can spend time exercising than waiting for him to go online/call. I took a lot of dance classes! I found joy on other things and on other people while I can't receive that much attention from KH. Sounds cliche but it's true. While your bf/gf is away, now is the best time to spend more time with your family and friends. Or take a new class and meet new friends! Being in a new environment can keep you away from the old routines that can lead you to an emotional state. You don't want that.
- S P A C E
In a LDR or not, you and your partner need space. I was once very dependent and it wasn't the best trait to have. Trust me. Learn to stand on your own feet. Learn to enjoy without having your bf/gf by your side. By doing so, you are also giving your partner a breather! This will allow him to enjoy some time with his family and friends, play his favorite video games or just ya know have some me-time. Sure enough he/she will love you more for that! ;) Oh! This will also allow the both of you to miss each other. Don't you want that?
In any situation or relationships, leave some respect for yourself. If something isn't going right, don't be stubborn. Don't be a jerk/brat. Being together doesn't mean you are tied down forever. You are you and you control of your own mind and body. Don't let him or her tell you what you need to do especially when you disagree or it makes you uncomfortable.
Don't shrug off your gut instincts! Sometimes that little voice in your head tells you the right signals or red flags!
- BE LOYAL, HONEST AND TREAT TRUST AS ONE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS
These three go hand in hand. If you are going for an honest and more serious relationship then you (and your partner) should have the understanding that you want this relationship to work. No matter how hard, how long, whoever comes in between... remain loyal, honest and trustworthy. It is tough, I know. Temptations are everywhere but if you really love one another you can make it through!
- DO N⃠T EXPECT
I learned that in life (most especially if you aren't married yet) everything is temporary. Anything can happen in a day. An example will be me getting pissed off at my boyfriend for not being able to call despite scheduling ahead of time. To be honest, I think it was only late last year that I was able to slowly understand that he doesn't have control with time or what happens in a day. Even if we made a schedule already... he has other responsibilities as well. As a student, a son, a brother or a friend... he needs to be present for them too. Remember! If you have less expectations, you have lesser problems!
- LOVE YOURSELF
Never give 100% of your time, attention, and most especially love! Never! Love yourself is first. I am able to say that because I am the type of lover that can give my 100%. I can put so much time and effort but also leaves me unhappy. How so? I think it's because I depend my happiness on another person. I used to think that if I give my all then they can give that same love back. I thought it can fulfill me but it won't. You can fulfill yourself and you can find happiness from within! Do what you always love doing, treat yourself, don't let others mistreat you, say NO if you don't want to... Love yourself first.
- DON'T COMPARE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
My bf actually was the one who pointed this out to me. One day I shared to him that my friend and his gf recently got engaged despite having to experience LDR for 2 years. My real intention of sharing this news was to give both of us a little boost of reminder that LDR can work. Right then and there he told me to stop comparing. He said, "We've been doing well despite the distance and the time since we saw each other. I am not worried if I don't make it in Vancouver. If we are able to make it work right now, I am sure we can make it work when I move to ______." He has a point. So focus on yourself, your relationship and remain grateful with your own journey.
I am sure there are a lot more but these are the 7 that stood out to me the most. I hope that these tips will help you in some ways!
Have you experienced the same situations? How did you (and your partner) cope with it? I'd love to hear your experiences! :)